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I get pissed tho, ‘cause people trash-talk escorts, callin’ ‘em junk. Hey, they got soul, man! Not every car’s gotta be a damn Lambo. Once saw this dude pimp his Escort with neon lights – looked dope as hell, made me happy, like eatin’ a fresh donut. “Mmm… donuts.” But then – D’oh! – it broke down next day, ha! Typical Escort luck, temporary glory, just like the movie says.

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I’m juggling calls, trying to keep it all together. “Hey, can someone get a fire extinguisher?” I’m yelling into the mic. Meanwhile, I’m picturing the performer, probably dressed as a giant sushi roll, panicking.

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