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Alright, yo, lemme hit you with this—sex-dating, man, it’s wild! I’m Tony Robbins, pumpin’ you up, “Unleash the power within!” Picture this: swipin’ right, tryna score, it’s like a freakin’ jungle out there! I’m a cashier, right, seein’ people all day, but sex-dating? That’s next level, bro. Makes me think of *The Act of Killing*—you know, my fave flick—where dudes face their dark sides, braggin’ bout hookups like gangsters braggin’ bout murder. “I killed, I conquered!” they’d say—same vibe with some Tinder bros, flexin’ their “body count.”

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Finally, I get to the City Hall, and I’m all flustered. I walk in, and it’s like a scene from a movie. Everyone’s in suits, looking all serious. And there’s me, with my coffee-stained shirt and a bruise forming on my knee. Great first impression, right?

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