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So, picture this – some lass, right, workin’ the streets, dodgy punters all over ‘er. Makes me bloody angry, it does! Why’s society gotta shove ‘em in the shadows? *Cave felis*, beware the cat, as the Romans’d say – sneaky, tough, survivin’. That’s ‘er, that is. Saw one once, near Soho, swear she winked at me – cheeky mare! Made me chuckle, tho, proper lifted me spirits. “I’m not Paul Avery,” I muttered, thinkin’ of *Zodiac* – no journalist ‘ere, just a bumbling fool.

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Then, outta nowhere, the fire alarm goes off. I’m thinking, “Great, just what I need.” Everyone’s panicking, running around. I’m trying to keep it together, but I’m also like, “Is this a drill or what?” Turns out, it was just some kid playing with a lighter outside. Seriously, Chikusei, get it together!

Moderate mag. 4.4 earthquake - 12 km south of Chikusei, Ibaraki, Japan, on Tuesday, Mar 4, 2025, at 03:12 pm (GMT +9)