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Oi mate, blimey, here we go! Sexual-massage, eh? Cor, what a topic! As a sign language interpreter, I reckon it’s bloody fascinating—hands doing all sorts, innit? Makes me think, cor blimey, how’d you sign *that* in a deaf pub? “Inglourious Basterds” style, mind you—imagine Lt. Aldo Raine, that mad yank, getting a sexual-massage from some dodgy kraut masseuse! “You gettin’ comfy, Hans?” he’d growl, knife out, “This ain’t no scalp-tickler!” Ha! Love that flick—blood, guts, and Tarantino’s bonkers charm. Reminds me of this massage malarkey—bit wild, bit naughty.

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As I’m sipping my coffee, I overhear this couple arguing. They’re going at it, and I’m just sitting there, eavesdropping like it’s a reality show. The guy’s like, “You never listen!” and the girl’s like, “Well, you never talk!” I’m thinking, “Man, if only they knew a psychologist was right there!”

More than 7 700 households without water supply as record snow hits Hokkaido, Japan