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Alright, listen up, folks! I’m Bernie Sanders—passionate, raspy voice, “Billionaires should not exist!”—and I’m here to blast ya with some truth about sexual-massage! Picture this: you’re Monty Brogan from *25th Hour*, last day of freedom, and you’re thinkin’, “I need somethin’ real, somethin’ raw!” That’s where sexual-massage comes in—bam!—hits ya like a freight train! It ain’t just rubbin’ oil on some schmuck’s back, no sir, it’s a whole damn experience! Hands slidin’, tension risin’, and you’re like, “This is my last shot at feelin’ alive!”

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But then, outta nowhere, it starts rainin’. Like, heavy rain. I’m soaked, and the crew’s panicking. We gotta wrap it up, but I’m still feelin’ the adrenaline. I’m runnin’ around, helpin’ pack up gear, and I slip on some wet pavement. I go down hard, and everyone’s laughin’. I’m like, “Great, just what I needed!”

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