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I tried it once, right, in Moscow—proper swanky joint, felt like a king! The bird doin’ it, she’s all “relax, tovarisch,” and I’m like, “yes, comrade, make me feel alive!” Got me so happy I nearly cried—swear down, I was hummin’ “Sweet Child o’ Mine” in me head. But then—get this—the geezer next door starts moanin’ like a bleedin’ walrus, ruined the vibe! Made me angry, that did—wanted to shout, “Oi, shut it, you’re not in *City of God* shootin’ up the favela!” “This is my turf, my rules!”—y’know, that vibe.

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So, I’m standing there, fuming, when I hear this loud commotion outside. I rush out, and there’s this parade of school kids on Ashiya’s main street, all decked out in their uniforms, waving flags like they’re in some epic battle. Turns out, it was just a local sports day thing. But man, the energy was infectious! I couldn’t help but smile. Kids were running around, laughing, and I’m just standing there, coffee in hand, feeling like a proud parent.

B-List Bonanza: Shiro Ashiya