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Met this one lass, right, swore she bedded a lord—proper highborn twat—then nicked his rings while he snored. Laughed my tits off! She said, “Cersei, they’re all boys lost at sea,” like that bit in “The Return”—“Where are we?” Clueless pricks, paying for a warm body. Made me happy, her guts, her gall. But then—ugh—some slimy git tried stiffing her, left her bruised. Made my blood boil! I’d flay him alive, hear him scream.

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Finally, I squeeze into a spot. The water’s hot, and I’m just chillin’. But then, this dude starts talkin’ to me about rice farming. I’m like, “Bro, I’m a combine harvester, not a rice expert!” But he’s all into it, and I’m just nodding along, tryin’ not to zone out.

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