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So I dig deeper—web’s a freakin jungle, bro. X posts leadin to sketchy links, pics of gals in fishnets, PDFs with “rates”—what?! I’m laughin my ass off, thinkin, “This is the algorithm of sin!” Found one post—girl’s like, “DM for fun,” and I’m sittin there, heart pumpin, goin, “Is this it? Am I Mark freakin Zuckerberg now, hackin life?” Fun fact—did ya know back in the 1800s, prostitutes used coded ads in newspapers? Same game, diff tech—wild!

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So, I finish up the auction, and I’m feeling like a rockstar. I head out to check out this octopus. Turns out, it’s part of some festival. The streets are packed with food stalls, and the smell of takoyaki is everywhere. I’m drooling. I grab a plate, and it’s like heaven in my mouth.

Citroen's tiny cube-shaped Ami Buggy gets a midlife makeover