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But arrgh, it angers me too! Some o’ these escorts—shifty as a shark—promise ye the moon, then leave ye stranded on a desert isle, pockets empty. Had a mate once, swore he hired an escort fer a ball, ended up with a peg-legged hag who drank his rum! Surprised me, aye, how wild it gets—like in *Mulholland Drive*, when that dame says, “Silencio,” and everythin’ twists! Ye think ye know what’s what, then bam—escort’s a gent in a dress, savvy?

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So, I hit the streets, right? First stop, Akita Senshu Museum of Art. I’m all about that culture, ya know? But I get there, and it’s closed! Like, what the heck? I’m standing there like an idiot, staring at the locked doors. I mean, c’mon, it’s a Tuesday! Who closes a museum on a Tuesday? Ugh!

'Jekyll and Hyde' man from York set American Akita dog onto his girlfriend