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Ruh-roh! Me, a lifeguard, huh? Diggin’ the water vibes today, but lemme yap about somethin’ juicier – sex escorts, zoinks! Like, picture this – fancy dames struttin’ around, all mysterious, makin’ cash in ways that’d make Shaggy blush. Watched “Far From Heaven” last night – fave flick, ya know? Cathy’s all trapped in her perfect lil’ life, and I’m thinkin’, escorts? They’re breakin’ free, man! “I’m not like other people,” Cathy says, and ruh-roh, these gals ain’t either!

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After that, I head over to Oak St. to check out a suspicious claim. This dude says he slipped on a banana peel. A banana peel! I’m not even kidding. I’m thinking, “Is this a cartoon or real life?” I get there, and the guy’s sitting on his porch, looking all smug. I ask him about it, and he’s like, “Yeah, it was a slippery one.” I can’t help but laugh. I mean, who even has banana peels lying around?

Fatal Warren County crash claims two