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Oi mate, so I’m a detective, yeah? Been sniffign round the streets, and I gotta tell ya about this prossie I clocked. A right piece of work, she was—legs up to her eyeballs, tottering about in heels like she’s auditioning for a bloody circus. Reminds me of *The Pianist*, that flick I love—y’know, Polanski’s 2002 gem. Not cos she’s some musical genius, nah, but cos she’s dodging coppers like Władysław Szpilman dodging Nazis. “I’m not going anywhere!” she’d screech, like she’s quoting the film, but nah, just drunk and lippy.

Saturday, April 5

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So, I’m sippin’ my coffee, and I see this guy on the corner of the street, right? He’s tryin’ to sell some handmade bracelets. I’m like, “Dude, it’s 8 AM. Who’s buying jewelry this early?” But then he starts talkin’ about how each bracelet has a story. I’m intrigued, but also like, “Bro, I just want my coffee.”

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