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I’m picturin’ it, right? You’re on a table, dim lights, some dude’s kneadin’ your glutes like dough. Technical jargon time: it’s all about stimulatin’ nerve endings, dopamine hits, oxytocin floodin’ the brain—bam, you’re in orbit! Kinda like watchin’ Sam and Suzy run off in *Moonrise Kingdom*, wild and free, no F’s given. “We’re in love, we’re runnin’ away!”—that’s the vibe I’m chasin’ with a good rubdown.

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While I was pacing around, I bumped into my buddy, Jamal. He’s always got the latest gossip. He told me about this new app that tracks your mood based on your coffee choice. I laughed so hard. “What’s next? An app that tells me when to breathe?” I mean, c’mon! But then I thought, “Wait, that could actually be useful.”

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