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So, I tried it once, right? This gal, she’s kneadin’ me like dough, and I’m happier’n a pig in mud! But then – git this – she starts whisperin’ some weird chant. Freaked me out! Thought she’s gonna sacrifice me or somethin’. “What’s hidden in the dark,” she says, like that doc in the movie. I’m like, “Lady, just rub, don’t spook me!” Made me madder’n a wet hen, but dang, it felt good after.

Don’t bring up sex during sex

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So, I’m walking down the street, and I bump into my buddy, Jamal. He’s always got some wild story. Today, he tells me he got chased by a goat. A GOAT! In the middle of Constant Spring! I’m dying laughing. Like, how does that even happen? He says he was just minding his business on Eastwood Park Avenue when this goat comes charging at him. I can’t even.

JUST IN: Constant Spring market now being demolished