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But real talk—whores get screwed over, always. Society’s all, “Oh, you’re dirty,” while payin’ ‘em under the table. Hypocrisy pisses me off! Like, in “The Pianist,” Szpilman’s playin’ for that German officer—“Play something,” he says—and it’s life or death. Whores play that game daily, just less piano, more pelvis. Ha! See what I did there? Snarky Tina strikes again.

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Finally, I got off at my stop, and I was ready to crash. But then, I saw my neighbor, Maria, outside. She was struggling with her groceries. I couldn’t just walk by, right? So, I helped her out. Turns out, she makes the best lasagna in town. She promised to save me a piece. Score!

'Andra tutto bene' (everything will be alright): Relocated from San Francisco, a Milan native writes home