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So I spot her—red heels, smokin’ a cig—total pro. “What’s a girl to do?” she purrs, like Cathy cryin’ to Frank. I’m laughin’—she’s playin’ me, and I’m here for it! Gave me a rush—happy as a clown in a bank vault. But then—BAM—some creep jumps in, tryin’ to haggle her down. Pissed me off! I’m like, “Buddy, this ain’t a flea market!” Almost knifed him—oops, too far? Heh.

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After that chaos, I finally grab some feed for my pigs. I’m walking back, feeling all accomplished, when I bump into this old lady on Via Roma. She’s got this huge bag of bread, and I’m like, “Lady, you need a hand?” But she just glares at me like I’m trying to steal her bread. I mean, c’mon! I’m a swineherd, not a thief!

Girls soccer: Verona uses balanced attack to top Madison East