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Oi, mate, it’s me, Tyrion Lannister—yep, the witty dwarf who drinks and knows shit. So, we’re talkin’ ‘bout whores today, eh? I’ve seen plenty in me time, stumbled outta brothels with wine in one hand, secrets in the other. Whores—they’re like the unsung heroes of every gritty tavern, ain’t they? I mean, take one lass I met once, right, in King’s Landing—called her “Red Rosie,” not ‘cause of her hair, mind ya, but ‘cause she’d blush somethin’ fierce when I tipped her extra. Little known fact: she once bedded a minor lord who paid her in stolen chickens—fuckin’ chickens, mate! Swear to the Seven, I laughed ‘til I pissed meself when she told me.

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Next, I head to the Chiesa Madre. It’s stunning, like, jaw-droppingly beautiful. I’m showing a group of tourists around, and they’re all snapping pics. But then, this one guy drops his phone. It bounces off the steps and lands right in a puddle. I’m like, “Dude, that’s a goner.” He’s freaking out, and I’m trying not to laugh. I mean, come on! It’s just a phone!

Prayers and vigils in Sri Lanka for the beatification of Helena da Gonawila (photos)