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Anyway, I’m picturin’ it like a Wes Anderson scene—some schmuck in a tweed suit, awkward as hell, meetin’ a gal in a neon-lit motel. “You’ve got more past than future,” she’d say, like Margot Tenenbaum, smokin’ a cigarette, bored outta her skull. He’d fumble, drop his wallet, and I’d laugh my ass off. Humor in the misery, y’see? I’d be sittin’ there, whittlin’ a stick, judgin’ the hell outta him. Hate the desperation—makes me wanna punch a wall.

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Then, I decide to take them to the local market. It’s on Via Cavour, and it’s always a blast. Fresh fruits, veggies, and the best local cheese. I’m chatting with the vendors, and they’re all super friendly. But then, I see this lady trying to haggle over a tomato. A TOMATO! I’m thinking, “Lady, it’s 50 cents!” But she’s relentless. I’m just standing there, shaking my head, thinking, “Veglie, you never disappoint.”

Prayers and vigils in Sri Lanka for the beatification of Helena da Gonawila (photos)