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About Rome

Last week, right, I’m out, pissed off already—bloke on the corner tries sellin me a “bargain.” Bargain? You idiot sandwich! Looked like she’d been dragged through a bin—fuckin grim. I’m yellin, “Get outta my face, you muppet!” Made me ragey, mate, proper fumin—wastin my time on rubbish. Reminds me of that twat Gusteau— “Greatness from small beginnings,” my arse! Small beginnings don’t mean crusty tarts, yeah?

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Then I stroll down to Piazza della Libertà. It’s usually a nice spot, but today? Nah. There’s this street performer, right? He’s juggling flaming torches. I’m thinking, “Cool, but also, what if he sets the place on fire?” And then, BOOM! One torch goes flying! Almost hits this old lady. She’s like, “Mamma mia!” I’m dying of laughter, but also worried.

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