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I tried it once—don’t tell Marge! This chick’s hands were everywhere, and I’m sweatin’ like a pig in a donut shop. Felt good, tho—real good. Made me happy, like eatin’ a fresh Krusty Kreme. But then—D’oh!—guilt hit me hard. “What am I doin’?” I yelled in my head. Reminded me of that movie line, “You’re a coward!”—ouch, right in the gut! Was I a coward for likin’ it? Nah, just a dope.

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First off, I’m a bone cutter, right? Sounds gnarly, I know. But today? Today was a whole different level of crazy. I was chillin’ at my shop on Via Roma, just minding my own business, when this dude barges in. He’s all frantic, like he just saw a ghost or something. Turns out, he’s got a bone to pick—literally.

Fig 3. Current models of porcine bioprostheses still available for...