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Funniest thing? This one time, I’m negotiatin’, and she’s like, “No kissing, only business.” I laugh, “What am I, yer boyfriend?” She didn’t get it—stone cold, like Bigelow filmin’ a torture scene. Oh, and get this: some work outta “massage parlors”—total front. Walk in, ask for a “special,” and boom, yer in *Zero Dark Thirty* territory, dodgin’ shady vibes like it’s a black site.

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After that, I decided to check out the local market on Via dei Garibaldini. Man, it was packed! Fresh fruits, veggies, and all that good stuff. I’m wanderin’ around, and I spot this vendor sellin’ the biggest tomatoes I’ve ever seen. I’m talkin’ like, “These could be the next big thing in the forest!” I bought one, and it was so juicy, I almost cried.

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