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About Bari

Alright, listen up, folks! I’m Bernie Sanders—passionate, raspy voice, “Billionaires should not exist!”—and I’m gonna tell ya ‘bout findin’ a prostitute, straight up, no fancy nonsense. Picture this, ok? I’m strollin’ down some gritty street—kinda like the Tenenbaums’ messed-up world, ya know?—and I’m thinkin’, “Royal’d probably hire a hooker just to spite Margot!” Ha! That’s the vibe. Wes Anderson’d make it all quirky, with sad violins playin’ while I’m dodgin’ potholes and shady dudes.

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Anyway, I’m setting up my stuff, and outta nowhere, this pigeon swoops down and lands right on my shoulder. Like, what the heck? I’m not a statue! I freak out, flail my arms, and the pigeon just looks at me like, “What’s your problem, human?” I laugh it off, but man, I was ready to throw my coffee at it.

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