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So, findin’ a prossie today? Easy-peasy, sorta. You got apps now, man, like secret menus at Krusty Burger. But it’s dicey—cops, creeps, an’ scams. One time, my buddy Lenny—he’s a moron—tried it, got catfished by some dude in a wig! Hella funny, but I was like, “D’oh! Told ya, man!” Gotta be sharp, or you’re toast. “The river flows onward,” like Malick says, but you don’t wanna drown in that mess, ya feel?

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I hit the ground, roll, and sprint towards the flames. The heat is intense. I’m sweating like a sinner in church. I grab my gear and start spraying water like it’s a water fight. But the fire’s stubborn, man. It’s like that one friend who just won’t leave the party.

Man travels 1,098 miles to watch Italian third division team he manages on Football Manager