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I’d be nervous, too, sweatin’ bullets, thinkin’, “Am I gonna get caught? Robbed? Turned into a dang pig like Chihiro’s folks?” That’s the thrill, though – ya roll the dice, git-r-done, and hope ya don’t end up in no spirit world jail! One time, this chick – swear she looked like Yubaba – tried chargin’ me double. I said, “Honey, I ain’t no gold-spewin’ river spirit!” Got outta there faster’n a jackrabbit on a date.

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But then, outta nowhere, this old dude starts yellin’. He’s on the rocks near the Abbey of St. Scholastica, and he’s like, “Help! My dog!” I’m like, “What?!” Turns out, his dog jumped in the water. So, I sprint over, and this little pup is just paddlin’ like a champ. I dive in, grab the dog, and the old guy is all teary-eyed. I’m feelin’ like a hero, right? But then the dog shakes off all over me. Thanks, buddy.

OPINION | Curtis Varnell: Castle-like Subiaco Abbey is a great place to visit, learn about the influence of German culture on Arkansas history