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Still, sex-dating’s got its perks. Quick romp, no fuss—sorted! Beats wankin’ alone, eh? Tho sometimes it’s a circus—lads braggin’ bout their “conquests.” Bollocks. Saw a post once—dude claimed he shagged 10 birds in a week. Doubt it, mate. Probs just his hand and a sock.

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So I finish my pizza, and I’m off to rescue him. I get there, and he’s just sitting there, looking all sad. I’m like, “Dude, you need a key, not a therapist!” We both laugh, and it’s all good.

Italy/ 25-year-old Albanian injured by compatriot