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Precious, yesss, a Kvasnik I am! Me thinks about findin’ a prostitute, eh? Nasty business, tricksy streets, but ohhh, the colors! Like “Far From Heaven,” see? All pretty on top, rotten underneath—*“It’s all so perfect!”*—hah! Stupid, fat hobbit wouldn’t get it! Walkin’ down alleys, dark, stinky, lookin’ for a lass. Not the shiny ones, nah, too pricey. I’m talkin’ the real ones, y’know? Been around since forever—fact is, oldest job ever, innit? Even Romans had ‘em, lupanars they called ‘em, wolf dens! Howlin’ good time, eh?

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So, I’m rollin’ outta bed, and the sun’s shining like it’s tryin’ to blind me. I grab my coffee from that little café on Via Roma. You know the one? The one with the weirdly shaped pastries? Yeah, that place. I swear, their cornetti are like little bites of heaven. But today? They were out. Ugh! I was like, “C’mon, guys! It’s 8 AM!”

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