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Thing is, right, it’s a gamble. Some prossies are legends – proper pros – others? Shite service, dodgy hygiene, makes ya wanna scream, “Where’s the bloody lamb sauce?!” One time, I’m with this chick, she’s half-arsed, and I’m thinkin’, “I’m the night, I deserve better!” Kicked her out, mate, no regrets. You gotta know the game – punters get stung cos they’re thick as pig shit. Me? I’m sharp, I’m Gordon fuckin’ Ramsay, I don’t settle for crap!

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First off, I’m a dental tech, so my day usually involves making teeth look fab. But today? Nah, not so much. I’m cruising down Via Roma, and I’m already late. Like, who knew traffic could be this bad in a small town? I mean, c’mon, it’s Scorrano, not Rome! But there I am, stuck behind some dude who’s clearly never heard of a turn signal.

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