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Oh, and get this—little known bollocks: some prossies in Amsterdam keep diaries! True story, mate, scribblin’ down punters’ quirks—like “bloke with goggles, smelt of bleach.” That’s me, that is! Exaggeratin’ for effect? Maybe, but who gives a toss? It’s a laugh! Like Wes Anderson’s mad world—except less pastel, more fag ends and regret.

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Finally, I get back to work. I’m planting some new flowers near the old church on Via Mazzini. It’s a beautiful spot, but the ground is like concrete. I’m sweating, cursing under my breath, and just when I think I’m done, I hear this loud honking. I look up, and it’s a bunch of kids on bikes, racing down the street like they’re in the Tour de France. They zoom past, and I’m like, “Hey! Watch the flowers!” But they’re too busy laughing and yelling. Kids, man.

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