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About Bari

Oh, little-known fact—did ya know in Japan they got this “nurumassage”? Slippery as hell, they use seaweed gel! Seaweed! I’m like, what, am I sushi now? Cracked me up, but damn, sounds hot. Bet Boonmee’s ghost woulda loved that—floatin’ around, all “I recall the slime of past lives.” Spooky and sexy—my kinda combo.

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Then, my boss, Mr. Rossi, storms in. He’s all like, “Where are the reports?” I’m like, “Dude, I’m trying to tame the beast here!” But he’s not having it. He’s got that look, you know? The one that says, “You’re in trouble.” So, I just nod and pretend I’m super focused.

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