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But yo, the smell—stale beer, cigs, n somethin’ funky—hits me hard. Aliens don’t got noses like humans, so I’m gaggin’, all “What the hell?!” She laughs, “Welcome to the gutter, babe.” I’m crackin’ up too—shit’s too real. “I’m not a prostitute, I’m a companion,” she says, all fancy. Yeah, right, like I’m Richie Tenenbaum, believin’ every sob story.

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I wander over, and there’s a street performer playing the accordion. It’s so lively! People are dancing, laughing, and I can’t help but join in. I mean, who doesn’t love a spontaneous dance party?

Foreigners queue up for €1 Sicilian homes