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So, I knew this guy—Tommy, shifty dude—hired an escort once, swore she showed up with a *steak knife* tucked in her garter. Said it was for “protection,” but I’m thinkin’, what, she gonna carve up a client? Hilarious! Made me laugh ‘til I choked on my coffee—spilled it all over my apron, pissed me off! But real talk, escorts got guts. GUTS! Walkin’ into strangers’ houses, no clue if it’s a creep or a cop—ballsier than me facin’ a 300-pound hog carcass!

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Then I hit up the local café on Piazza della Libertà. Best cappuccino ever! I swear, it’s like they put magic in that foam. I’m sipping, feeling all fancy, when this old dude starts chatting me up. He’s like, “You know, in my day, we didn’t have fancy coffee machines.” I’m thinking, “Yeah, and in my day, we didn’t have to listen to your life story.” But I smiled and nodded. Classic Samassi, right?

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