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About Bari

Last week, I’m tailin’ this lead—shady alley, smells like regret. I’m mutterin’, *“Oh, Marge, why this job?”* Suddenly, this gal, she’s standin’ there, all sparkly skirt, eyes like she’s seen too much. I’m thinkin’, *“Her soul’s driftin’ like Boonmee’s jungle spirits!”* I ask her name—Candy, she says. Candy! Ha, like that’s real! I’m all, “Hmm… sugar-coated lies!” Got me chucklin’—these names, always so fake, like Bart’s homework excuses.

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After that caffeine hit, I’m feeling a bit better. I stroll down Via Garibaldi, soaking in the vibes. The sun’s shining, and the cobblestones are all glowy. I’m thinking, “Rovato, you’re kinda cute.” But then, outta nowhere, it starts to rain. Like, seriously? I just got my hair done! I duck into a little shop on Via Mazzini, and it’s packed with all these quirky trinkets. I find this ridiculous little statue of a cat wearing a hat. I’m like, “I need this in my life.”

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