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Me, I’m watchin’ *The Assassin* in me head, thinkin’—prostitutes got that quiet power, aye? “To wield a needle is to wield a sword,” says the flick. They’re stitchin’ lives, dodgin’ danger, playin’ the game. One time, I met this gal, Anya—swear she had eyes like a siren. She’d quote Pushkin while nickin’ yer wallet—pure poetry, arrgh! Made me laugh ‘til me gut hurt. “Savvy?” I says, tippin’ me hat—she just winked.

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So, I’m stuck with this old, warped wood. I mean, it’s like trying to build a chair with spaghetti. I’m hammering away, and I swear, every time I hit a nail, it bends. I’m getting angrier by the second. I’m like, “C’mon, wood! Work with me here!”

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