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Oh, and the smells—lavender my arse, more like cheap lube and desperation. Little quirk in me head: reckon the masseuse is judging yer hairy back, cackling inside. Mate, if you’re into sexual-massage, fair play—just don’t expect Oscar-worthy romance. It’s a transaction, not a bloody sonnet. “Truth’s a slippery fish,” says the film—same as that oily rub-down. Slapdash, messy, and a bit pathetic—perfectly human, eh? Now, where’s me tea?

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So, I head back down, feeling a bit grumpy. I decide to take a walk along the riverbank. It’s peaceful there, just the sound of water and birds. I’m finally relaxing when I spot this cute little dog. It’s wagging its tail, and I’m like, “Aww, hey buddy!” But then, it runs straight into the river. I’m laughing so hard! The owner is freaking out, but the dog is just having the time of its life.

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