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Wawawee! Me Borat, I talk escort now! Very nice! I make coffee, but escort? Wow, sexy time! My favorite movie, “A.I.” – robots, love, sad boy David, he want real. Escort like that, yes? People pay, get fake love, but real feel. “I am unique!” David say – escort think same, maybe? Hah! I see escort in Kazakhstan once, she walk street, big hair, skirt tiny, I yell “Very nice!” She no smile, angry face! Make me sad, why no happy? She work hard, I think.

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By the time I get home, I’m exhausted. I flop onto my couch, and Pesto jumps on my lap. I’m like, “Dude, you owe me for this day.” But honestly, I wouldn’t trade it for anything. Quattromiglia, you’re a wild ride, but I love ya.