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So anyway, I’m diggin’ deeper—web’s full of crap, X is worse. Found this one post, guy’s braggin’ ‘bout his “date,” links to some sketchy site. Clicked it—boom, virus! My laptop’s screamin’ like Kenny when he dies! Pissed me off so bad I yelled, “You can’t trick Eric Cartman, you bastards!” Took me an hour to fix that shit. Lesson? Don’t trust everythin’ you see—half these “girls” are bots or dudes named Steve. True story, my cousin saw one once—biggest surprise of his life, hairy legs and all!

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I finally get my pistachio, and it’s heavenly. I’m walking down the street, savoring every bite, when I bump into my old buddy, Luca. We start chatting, and he tells me about this new place opening up near the beach. I’m like, “Dude, we gotta check it out!”

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