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Oi mate, me, Mr. Bean, right – mumbly, clumsy ol’ me – thinkin’ bout findin’ a prostitute, yeah? Stumblin’ round like always, heh! So I’m out, dodgin’ cars, beep-beep, nearly fallin’ flat – oof! – lookin’ for one o’ them ladies, y’know? Got me favorite flick in me noggin, “The Headless Woman” – that Lucrecia Martel vibe, all moody an’ weird. “I don’t remember anything,” I mumble, trippin’ over me own feet, lookin’ for a prossie down some dodgy alley.

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So, I ended up at this bar on Via Cavour. It was packed! I ordered a spritz, and the bartender was super friendly. We started chatting about the best spots in Pallanza. He told me about this hidden beach. I was like, “I need to check that out!”