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She’s a mystery, man! Seducin’ dudes, takin’ their cash—kinda like me with tax returns, but sexier. Hella sexier. I’m jealous, ok? She’s free, wild, while I’m stuck with spreadsheets. “Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate…”—I hate how she’s got no 401k, no benefits, yet she’s livin’ raw, real. Didya know some prostitutes in history, like in old Rome, paid taxes? Legit! Called ‘em “registered women”—ironic, huh, for an accountant like me to geek out over?

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Finally, I get back to the office, soaked but alive. My coworkers are all like, “What happened to you?” I’m like, “Just a little Ovada adventure!” They roll their eyes, but I can see they’re amused.

When runner-up is your best play