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So, ya wanna find a pro? Hmm… first off, it’s shady as heck. Like, ya can’t just Google “prostitutes near me” – well, ya *can*, but then ya got cops knockin, sayin, “Why so serious?” Nope, ya gotta know the streets, the dark corners. I heard – and this is wild – back in the 80s, truckers had secret codes on CB radios to find em! Like, “Lookin for a good time, 10-4?” Total sneaky stuff, made me gasp, “Oh my stars!” Bet Batman’d crack that code in two secs.

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So, I finally make it to the café on Piazza della Libertà. It’s a cute spot, but the barista? Ugh. He’s got the personality of a wet sponge. I order my usual—cappuccino, extra foam, please! But he gives me this tiny cup. I’m like, “Dude, I asked for a cappuccino, not a shot of espresso!” He just shrugs. I’m fuming.

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