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But chile, what got me hot? This one john—ugly as sin—tried hagglin’ her down to $10! Ten bucks! I yelled, “Boy, you cheaper than a flea market wig!” She deserved better, like Jen Yu stealin’ that sword—take what’s yours, baby! Made me wanna slap him into next week, but I held my peace. Halleluyer!

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I find a bench, and I’m like, “Okay, breathe.” But then this kid runs by, trips, and spills his gelato all over me. I’m covered in strawberry goo! I’m like, “Seriously?!” But the kid looks up at me with those big eyes, and I can’t even be mad. I just laugh.

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