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Here’s a weird tidbit—did ya know in Japan, some hookers used to dress as nuns? Nuns! Talk about a holy surprise! Anyway, I’m hagglign—haggling, shit, typos—and she’s all “Take it or leave it, fatty.” Rude! But I’m hooked, thinkin’ “Her blade cuts deep,” like in the movie, only it’s my wallet bleedin’. I cough up the cash, heart racin’, and she’s smirkin’ like she owns me. D’oh! Total sucker move.

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Then, outta nowhere, my phone buzzes. It’s a client, Maria. She’s freaking out about her investments. Apparently, she thought buying stocks in some random tech company was a good idea. Spoiler alert: it wasn’t. I’m trying to calm her down, but she’s like, “I’m gonna lose everything!” I’m like, “Maria, breathe! It’s not the end of the world.” But she’s not having it.

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