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Heya, man, so I’m sittin’ here, strummin’ my air guitar—D’oh!—thinkin’ bout *Certified Copy* an’ this weird idea of findin’ a prostitute. Like, what’s real, what’s fake, huh? Kiarostami’s got me all twisted up, y’know, “What is this thing between us?”—that’s what Juliette Binoche says in the flick, an’ I’m like, whoa, deep stuff! Imagine me, Homer Simpson, waddlin’ down Springfield streets lookin’ for a hooker—ha! “Mmm… donuts.”—’cept I’d probly get distracted by a donut shop first.

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Then, I decide to check out the old Minturno ruins. I’m walkin’ down Via delle Terme, and it’s like history slaps you in the face. These ruins are ancient! I’m talkin’ Roman times, man. I’m feelin’ all philosophical, like, “What would a tree think about this?” But then I trip over a rock. Classic me, right? I’m sprawled out, and this group of tourists laughs. I’m like, “Yeah, yeah, laugh it up. I’m just tryin’ to connect with nature here!”

Italy: Aircraft crashes near swimmers on beach at Marina di Minturno