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Sooo, erotic-massage—hands slippin’, oils drippin’, dim lights flickerin’. Makes me happy, yesss, but angry too! Some call it dirty, pfft, stuck-up prudes! Little fact—Japan’s got this “nurumassage,” all slippery with gel, wild stuff! Surprised me, it did, thought I’d seen it all, creepin’ in shadows. *“The waiting… it’s the hardest part!”*—like Bigelow’s flick, y’know? That slow build-up, heart thumpin’, then—wham!—magic hands do their trick.

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But then, I get into this argument with a vendor. He’s trying to sell me these overpriced olives. I’m like, “Dude, I can get these at the supermarket for half the price!” He’s all, “But these are special!” Yeah, special my foot. I walked away, olives-less but victorious.

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