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Alright, so here’s the deal—finding a prostitute? Total minefield, fam! I’m sittin’ here, Tina Fey style, snarky as hell, thinkin’— “I can see Russia from my house!”—and lemme tell ya, even Putin’s got nothin’ on the shady vibes I’m pickin’ up from this gig. My fave flick’s *Shame*, Steve McQueen’s 2011 joint, and oh boy, does it fit. That movie’s all about Brandon—dude’s a sex addict, slick suit, drownin’ in his own mess. “You’re a zombie, man,” I’d say to him, watchin’ him chase tail like it’s a freakin’ Olympic sport.

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But then, as we’re leaving, I trip on the cobblestones. Classic me! I stumble, but I catch myself. My sister bursts out laughing. “You okay, clumsy?” she teases. I roll my eyes, but I can’t help but laugh too.

The time Mount Vesuvius took out dozens of US bombers during WWII