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Aight, listen up, you freakin’ losers! I’m Eric Cartman, respect my authoritah! So, I’m divin’ into this crap about findin’ a prostitute, and I’m pissed already! Why? ‘Cause it’s a damn mess out there, and I’m the only one smart enough to see it! I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’ ‘bout my fave movie, *Brooklyn*—you know, that sappy Irish chick flick from 2015—and it’s got me all twisted up about this hooker biz.

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So, I rush back to the office on Via della Libertà. It’s a small place, but it’s got character. I walk in, and my boss is pacing. “The samples are off!” he says. I’m thinking, “Of course they are. It’s Marina di Ardea! The soil’s probably got more salt than a bag of chips.”