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*Deep breath* I am your father. Picture this: dim lights, red curtains. Girl winks, you’re screwed—wallet’s gone. Hilarious, right? “Toto, I’ve a feeling we’re not in Kansas.” Pure *Amélie* magic, but with boning. Once heard a story—guy paid in chickens. Chickens! Laughed my ass off.

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Then, outta nowhere, this lady starts yelling. Turns out, her dog just ate a whole bag of organic fertilizer. I mean, who lets their dog do that? I’m trying to keep a straight face while she’s freaking out. “My poor Fido!” she cries. I’m thinking, “Lady, your dog’s gonna be fine. Just a little... extra energy.”