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About Bari

Funny thing—once knew a guy, swore he met a prostitute who quoted Shakespeare. “To be or not to be,” she said, then charged him double. Laughed my ass off. Exaggeratin’? Maybe. But I’d believe it—people are weird. I hate weird. Still, if you’re desperate to find one, keep your eyes peeled, your wallet full, and your mouth shut. “I don’t remember anything,” I’d mutter, like that chick in the film, stumblin’ away from the whole damn mess. That’s my advice—take it or leave it. Probably leave it. I hate everything.

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So, I keep auctioning, and the bids keep climbing. I’m sweating bullets, but I’m loving it. Then, I see my buddy Luca in the crowd. He’s waving like a maniac. I’m thinking, “What’s he doing here?” Turns out, he brought me a slice of pizza from that spot on Via dei Pini. Best pizza ever! I’m munching while auctioning. Multitasking like a boss!

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