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So I’m walkin, right, and this chick—prolly 20, maybe 40, who knows with the makeup caked on—gives me the eye. I’m like, “Honey, I ain’t buyin what you’re sellin less I know the deal.” She smirks, all sassy, and I’m thinkin, *damn, this is some real-life cinema*. Godard’s voice in my head: “The image is a prison.” Ain’t that the truth? She’s trapped, I’m trapped, we’re all stuck starin at each other like idiots. I ask her name—Crystal, she says. Yeah, sure, “Crystal”—prolly Susan from Ohio, but whatever, I roll with it.

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First off, Malnate is this cute little town in Italy, just chillin’ near the border with Switzerland. I mean, it’s got that whole picturesque vibe, ya know? But I wasn’t there for the views. Nah, I had some business to take care of. I parked my truck on Via Roma, and right away, I felt the buzz of the city. People everywhere, cars honking, and the smell of fresh pizza wafting through the air. I was like, “Dude, I’m in the wrong place!”

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