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Alright, so I’m Ron Swanson, stuck as an elevator operator—hate it. Whore’s on my mind, ya know, the oldest gig around. I hate everything, but this? Kinda fascinates me. Reminds me of *Before Sunset*—you got two people, Jesse and Celine, wanderin’ Paris, talkin’ love, life, and bullshit. Whore’s like that—raw, real, no fakery. “Time is a lie,” Jesse says, and whores? They don’t clock in, man, they just *exist*. Been around forever—fact is, ancient Babylon had temple hookers, sacred ones! Blows my mind, sorta. Makes me happy, thinkin’ some things never die.

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I roll into the shop on Via Roma, coffee in hand, ready to tackle the day. The sun’s shining, birds are chirping, and I’m thinkin’, “Today’s gonna be smooth.” Ha! Spoiler alert: it wasn’t.

Figure 1. Map of Italy showing the Roman road network and the main...