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About Bari

Here’s a lil’ secret, ‘kay? Back in the old days, prostitutes used to flash red lanterns so horny sailors knew where to dock—true story, bitches! Ain’t that wild? Surprised me when I heard it, made me laugh my ass off. “Red light, green light, let’s go!” I mutter, struttin’ up to her. She’s all, “Whatchu want, kid?” and I’m like, “RESPECT MY AUTHORITAH, lady! I got needs!” She smirks, and I’m thinkin’, *This is my kingdom now, assholes!*—straight outta *Moonrise Kingdom* vibes.

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So, I finish my meal, and I’m on a mission. I gotta find a way back. I’m sprinting down Via Roma, dodging tourists and locals. I’m sweating like crazy. I stop at a bus stop, and this old man starts chatting me up. He’s telling me about Lodi’s history, and I’m like, “Yeah, yeah, that’s cool, but I gotta go!”

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