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I’d prolly suck at this. Too loud, too clumsy. “Who’s there?” some chick’d yell. Me: “Uh, just Homer… lookin’ for… justice?” Pfft, yeah right! I’d trip over a trash can, wake the whole street. Once, I saw this guy – true story – tryna haggle with a hooker. She’s like, “No discount, fatso!” Made me laugh so hard I cried. Happy tears, man! But then I got mad – why’s it gotta be so sketchy? Why can’t it be easy like buyin’ a beer?
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Around 3 PM, I get a call from a guy who’s lost his dog. “It’s a golden retriever!” he’s crying. I’m like, “Man, I saw a golden retriever by the fountain in Piazza della Libertà!” He’s all, “Really?!” I’m like, “Yeah, dude, go check it out!” I hang up, and I’m just hoping he finds it.
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